Now

Now is the present, now is the here;

Now isn't the past, the future or fear.

We live in the now and not in the past,

The now could last forever, or go by quite fast.

The now is your choices, the paths that you choose,

It's the road to your future, you only have now lose.

The past is just that, what happened before;

It doesn't really exist, no, not any more.

The future's not real, by now you should know;

That's just a dream, a focus, a goal.

Don't dwell on the past, or fear for the future;

Neither are real, but can cause quite a torture.

The now's not so bad, it's pretty and pure;

It's comfort, it's action, it's love to endure. 

Make yourself better, stronger and smart;

Take care of yourself, your mind and your heart.

So live for the now, for that's all you got;

What can I do? Must be your now's thought.

Back on the Wagon...again.

So I got my first weeks worth of work outs. They seem pretty easy, but I know if I put 100% in all movements, it should be a pretty nice work out with a bit a sweat happening.

So here is my agenda for the week:

D1: run/jog 100m + 5 Air Squats to med ball + 5 Dumbbell Press x 3 rounds for time.

D2: Walk 15min for distance.

 

D3: 5 Split Squats (in place lunges - use abmats if needed) 5RM Push Press x 3 rounds. 2min rest between sets.

D4: 500m C2 Rowing x 4 rounds. Rest between rds equivalent to work. 

D5: Sled Drag 100m x 6. Rest as needed. Go heavy. 

 

For nutrition, I will be eating clean (whole 30 style) with the exception of a carb frenzy following D1, D3, and D5. Anythings game, but only after those workouts. Period.

 

 

The email I deleted or Tool-puss Baby

So if anyone read my self defeating blog before this one entitled CrossFAT, you may have noticed my little pity party I had going on. And while I was on that great little self bashing rant, I ended up messaging one of our coaches with a shortened version of my blog to his Facebook account. I then went on and did a few chores and stuff and was thinking about my note to him and basically thinking I was being a tool, a puss, and a baby. So I did what any Tool-puss Baby would do and went back online and deleted my note hoping he wouldn't have seen it.

 

Meanwhile life goes on. I go back to work for a week and then I needed to go back to the CrossFit box to give the coaches some paperwork and forms (I help them out a bit with graphics and printing since that is what I know best), and low and behold there was the coach I had sent and then retracted the note.

 

Evidently he saw it because he told me he had been meaning to call me and chat but had been pretty busy. [Sidenote: I know this guy is super busy with roughly two full times jobs.]

 

He questioned me about the email I sent and I told him that I kinda hope he didn't see it because I deleted it. But guess not. We ended up chatting about my fears of CrossFit and about how basically I feel that I am not a cookie cutter template of a typical crossfitter. He agreed and spoke about how he would be willing to assist me in getting to a place where I could come back to crossfit  when I was strong enough with enough lasting ability for the tougher WODs. But that I would have to dedicate myself and put forth a lot of effort to get there. He would set up a plan for me and I would need to make sure that I followed the instructions religiously and that I would need to come up with some goal to reach...not just any goals to be done at any random time, but very specific goals with specific time frames to complete them by. So I came up with the following:

He mentioned that he will put a plan together to help me obtain these goals. I have put these out here now in public so all who care to read see what these are and can help me be accountable to these lofty goals of mine.

 

 

 

So once again....here I go.

The CrossFAT WOD. Would anybody show up?

Yup--Notice it's not CrossFit, but Fat. That is how I am feeling now. It's been a while since I have been to a Crossfit workout and now I am finding it quite tough to get the motivation to go back.

It is quite difficult to be a 300+ lb. guy and go the box day in and day out and suck at everything, be last in every WOD, break the top of a box on a box jump, having to walk for 400 meter sprints, can't bring your leg down on walking lunges. get terrible stomach cramps while doing tabata sit ups and other core exercises, get totally gassed and having to split up your 10 burpees into 3-4 groups for warm-up...I can go on, believe me I can, but I think you may now have a slight understanding on how it feels to be an old fat fuck in a crossfit class. Oh yeah--I have to take off my glasses because they fog up and I can't see shit or remember what is on the board to do, so I have to keep walking up to the board to find out what I need to do next.

I wish other old fat people would come to Crossfit too, that way I could at least stand a chance. I want to work out and do the WODs because they are so exhausting and I know I am accomplishing  tough workouts. But when you come in last, maybe not even finishing all the "rounds" and then being told by others what a great job I did, really cheeses me off. I know I sucked--you know I sucked--let's call it what it is...hey, at least you came in and did something even though you really sucked and your form was horrendous. I am surprised you didn't quit sooner. At least then they are being honest. I would rather have honesty than nice lies to spare my feelings.

And I think I have heard it all. At least you showed up...you are doing better than those still on the couch...you are really only competing against yourself. Yada yada yada. Yup, I am competing against myself and lost.

So am I saying I will never go to Crossfit again...No I am not. But I do feel it might be a while before I do. I seriously think I am too fat to Crossfit right now where I am at. The WODs have gotten ridiculously tough since when I first began which makes me feel that much worse about not getting this shit done or done properly.

I feel there needs to be another division of CrossFit called CrossFAT (or even something nicer). One where the older, out of shape, those rehabbing injuries, and really struggling people can go to get a tough WOD done and not feel so inadequate that they cannot walk in the door. One where the warm-ups are about 10-15 minutes, but short enough that we haven't "shot our WOD" (by being so tired) before our WOD even starts. Then maybe another 10-15 minutes to do some weight lifting and then a full 20-25 minute WOD, have a normal WOD and we would scale it down as needed, but also have the time to finish it up without drawing a crowd. I know everyone rooting on the slow fat guy who is trying their best to finish is the proper etiquette, but it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I don't like being at the center of attention. I know everyone means well while doing it, but when it's every WOD you do, it's embarrassing to be that last guy to finish. I think that maybe it might be more of the congratulations afterwords and being told I did a great job when I know that I sucked and did horrible with bad form while being extra slow.

I hope I don't sound like I am bashing CrossFit or my Clan, because I don't feel I am or even mean to. I am just pointing out how I feel when I am there. Everyone is SUPER nice and very enthusiastic as well as helpful. Everyone genuinely seems to care about everyone else. That is a great feeling to have and to see the camaraderie that is in the box and between fellow members. I just think am part of the 1% who fall into the cracks. I know I am not the majority, so I know CrossFat would not happen and even if it did, my fellow fatties and understrong people won't even go to that. So with that I know I am left out in the dust to forge my own way until the time comes that I feel strong and/or fast enough to participate in this great sport called CrossFit. I want to do all this cool stuff-I really do, but I just don't feel comfortable enough to show up right now.

-sad & defeated duke-

Time is ticking away. My time may soon be up. I need to do something NOW!

This is the End. My one true Friend--the end?

Today is Day #30 of this little experiment I have delved into on my eating habits. 2 more meals to go and I will take my small break. One concern I do have is that I had my A1c tested last week and my doctor's office called the next day to see me regarding my diabetes (type 2). Initially I thought it was to congratulate me on such a wonderful job on controlling my blood sugars and then I thought maybe the month before I began Whole30 I went crazy with my food choices. I honestly don't remember what I did two months ago & I started the Whole30 Project on a whim at the last second so I didn't eat everything in the world before.

So I have this Dr. appointment for my A1c test coming up this next Tuesday--I have already shared my Bipolar views and then I listen to Robb Wolf's Paleo Solution Podcast yesterday. He was saying that taking the A1c test during a low carb diet shows false high blood sugars. He said that the red blood cells lived longer under this way of eating and therefore has more (I don't remember the term exactly), "Stuff" stuck to them because they are older cells which in turn gives us higher A1c results.

So crud...I think I need to go search out some documentation on this to show my doc, because he doesn't even know I have been doing this and I don't think he knows much about this lifestyle (Paleo, Whole30, etc.).

I went to Robb Wolf's Podcast page, sent a note and he responded:

Today I am on day #30 of the Whole30 challenge (same concept as your 30 day transformation. Last week I had my A1c tested and the following day got a call from my doctor to see him. So I see him next Tuesday. I listened to this Podcast yesterday about and the high A1c results has me a little freaked out…I am guessing he won’t be throwing me a party for how well I am controlling my blood sugars. -Chris

• 

  Robb Wolf

  May 15, 2013 at 10:56 am
  Nope, but look at kresser’s stuff on this and bring ref’s with you
 

Here is a link to the podcast of which I speak:
http://robbwolf.com/...in-episode-183/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chris Kresser's Article that Robb Refers to:
http://chriskresser....reliable-marker

 

 

 

Whole30 is COMPLETE!
 The Stats are as follows:
-1.2" Off the Arm
-3.0" Off the Thigh
-4.0" Off the Chest
... -3.2" Off the Waist
-22.0 Lbs. Lost

Successful? I would say so.

 

--I feel pretty good. I am glad I did it and will most likely go back to it. I still have a LONG way to go on my journey.

 

 

 

 

Where is the Cheese? Time to Share Good News!

Okay--Time to Share Good News! Day26

I bought some jeans a few months ago and could not fit into them. Well today is jeans day at work and I thought I would give them a shot. BINGO!--they fit! I swear they were like 4 inches too small around my waist at least. This is a very nice start to a beautiful Friday in the Rose City. 

I had also slept in to 5:45 this am (I normally wake up by 4:30-5:00) and slept through the night without leg cramps or having to pee every hour.

http://mypanera.panerabread.com/articlestips/article/access-into-paneras-hidden-menu/

Since I was running late for work--I skipped breakfast at home, but stopped byPanera Bread and ordered off their Hidden Menu. I had their POWER BREAKFAST EGG BOWL WITH STEAK. Sorry for all caps there (I just copied and pasted it from their website). Num Num Nummy--if you have a Panera Bread Restaurant nearby  I HIGHLY suggest stopping by and ordering from their hidden menu. 

It's nice not to complain and be able to share good news. I sure must have been quite sick before changing my eating ways. Although I will be celebrating with a taco fest on day 31, I think day 32 I will be right back here eating mainly whole foods and not processed with sugar, wheat or dairy. I think I am okay without cheese anymore. I was concerned that I couldn't give up the cheese, but I think I have it licked.

Just stay away from and quick stalking me.

SUPER-HAPPY-GO #1 USA-RAINBOW-POOP

OR...TMI & Whole30, Day23 Update

Yes--I will be selling this idea to Hollywood for a new Japanese style tv show.

Really---this topic will be TMI and about super happy rainbow poop...do you really want to read this? If you do choose to suffer through, there is some actual blog content after the poo.



Are you sure you want to continue reading?



.

.

.

.Last warning

 

You have been warned--but fear not. There is an updat on day 23 of my Whole30 experience just after Happy Rainbow Poo.

Well- you are truly as foolish as I for posting this...here we go!

Life before Whole30 was seriously a poo fest. I would poo first thing in the morning, then 10 minutes after that, then again after my first sip of coffee, and yet again just before leaving for work. Then on my way to work, I would need to stop half-way to poo just one more time. All of the icky and wet...yes, I was Mud Wrestling...Had the Hershey Squirts...had the--RUNS BIG TIME.

I am now happy to announce that I no longer have this issue! I poo either once a day or once every other day now. I can make it to work without stopping (40 minute drive).

I am unsure what the root cause of the crap-tastic poopfest, BUTT, I am glad it is gone. If this is all I get out of this way of eating, it's okay with me! I am ecstatic for this result!

-or-

Happy as a pig in super happy rainbow poop!

 

and now for some actual valuable info...

http://whole9life.com/start/

WHOLE30, Day #23-The Home Stretch

So I kinda need to redeem myself for posting such udder rainbow crap on my post above. I am actually surprised that it wasn't pulled or reported, but I am glad it wasn't. I am very pleased with my new "gut response" to this new way of eating (for me). It actually changes the way I live at times.

But I digress...let's move on:

I have to say I am actually feeling better as a whole right now. My anxiety and depression has improved (the sun has been out and may have something to do with that as well).

My sleep has slightly improved. I have actually fell asleep one day last week without taking an Ambien and this has not happened in years!

I am hesitant on weight loss/body changes--I look forward to day 30 to see. I think my clothes are getting looser, but I really cannot tell.

More energy? I think so--slightly yes. I still need to get my butt to CrossFit more than once a week to really know. I do have a fear factor here. I suck so bad at CrossFit and am always last in everything and cannot do a lot of the moments (pull ups, more than 10 burpees, etc). Especially when "running" is involved.

I do keep somewhat busy. I have made my garden beds and ordered too much soil and so moving dirt all over the place which works up a big sweat.

One thing I was really hoping for was to have people notice my changes...that has not happened

Health wise--I get pretty light headed at times when standing up. Even to the point that it makes me actually stop and grab something so I don't fall. I do drink plenty of water and feel it could be blood pressure or diabetes medications that may need to be altered. Guess I gotta see my doc.

Anyway--day 23 almost done--I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.



http://whole9life.com/start/